A wee bit closer to understanding....

Hi Bloggie, I think I'm at a time in my life where I take each day for what it is...good, bad, up, down and try to make it the best day ever. Not just for myself but for those around me. My body isn't going to get any younger but my mind doesn't have to age at the same rate. Life is so full of beautiful thoughts, sites, smells, feelings and I don't want to miss anything. I take in so much more than when I was younger because I have the time now. If there was one thing I'd like to tell my children and grandkids, it would be to stop... look around...see the world in it's glory. As they say, "Smell the roses, watch the rings grow on a tree." My life has been very full. We still take wonderful outings as a family. For instance, going to Claire & Carls for a Michigan on Mother's Day with kids, grandkids, friends and my loving husband. We actually ended up on C & C's Facebook page. Traditions !!!! Tonight, I'll be going to a church book study that I may find interesting...at least the book up for discussion was great. No...it was AWESOME !! Reading this book, "Proof of Heaven" by Eben Alexander, MD, I realized that this book was answering the long ago questions I had from age 4 yrs. Not understanding what had happened during a baptism (full immersion), I came away from that experience not knowing what I saw while under water the third time. What seemed like an eternity was only seconds but the glowing light with a somewhat appearance of a being let me know that I was okay and to relax. No words were spoken but I understood every word relayed to me and could feel my entire body give way to peace and a sense of calm overwhelmed my being. I've never felt that before or after that moment. But....from that day forward, I've never had a fear of dying. I have so much faith and trust in God (OM), I believe I will see him/her/it again. Not ready to die yet, would like a few more years but when the time comes, I can now smile and know that I'll be greeted on the other side with open arms, thoughts and the most calming music and sensation that I felt at age 4. Call me crazy but it's a great feeling beyond any understanding to know this peace. Till next time................hugs and love to all.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.....

Well...it's March 20th and the temps are 67 - 75 for the past week, continuing for the remaining few days. Is this the March that will come in like a lamb, out like a lion or just the opposite? We've had undeniably warm weather since January, the lake never froze over completely, Joe's Pond will probably have an earlier than early unfreeze. What is happening has been a dilemma to the forecasters and I actually think the animals are a bit confused. BUT......I'm loving every minute of this warmer, sunny weather and as soon as I complete my last granddaughter's quilt....I will indulge myself with all sorts of outdoor splendor. Spring....I'm ready for you!!! Please don't drop the other shoe......

Yes....this is the last granddaughters quilt. Five granddaughters...five quilts and each one has been a labor of love to make. Each one has had their favorite color whether purple, pink, purple, pink and yes......muti-colored bandanas............they are all loved. Each girl has their own unique personality and their own mind-set. They follow no one....they are their own leader. They all show their compassion for life in different venues....from TaeKwondo - ballet - theater - horseback riding - girl scouts - and yes, even cooking and sewing. Each is unique!!!

When my time on earth is finished, I only hope that they will remember their grandma with love and know that I was always there for them if they needed a soft shoulder for crying, a loving hug anytime it was needed (and then some). The girls have given me so much unconditional love and I could not be any more proud of them. I love Emma, Grace, Melody, Nora and Noelle to the moon and back, from here to eternity and forever and ever. I love my kids and you all are an extension to those feelings. HUGS...........XOXOXOXOXO

Age Sixty-four and counting....

Today is February 23, 2012 and it's the eve of my birthday. Am I excited? Not at all because... what is there to be excited about? I am at an age where you're too old to romp around with your grandchildren but not quite old enough to be on Medicare. It makes me feel like when I was a child with the same problem...not old enough to do some things but too old for other things. It's one of those "almost there moments but not quite." You feel sad and angry at the same time. At least I'm old enough to collect Social Security and in some places, I actually receive a senior discount, if I can prove it! Don't know if that's good or bad. Do I look my age so they don't have to ask for ID or do I look that young when they do ask. Seems like I have mixed emotions on that subject. Does this same feeling happen to anyone else, I wonder?

So...I have to wait one more year til Medicare kicks in. Will I feel totally ancient next year or will I feel like I finally made it and begin to really celebrate with glee and break out in song-n-dance? Come back next year to see! Til then....Happy Birthday to me in low key, please!

I'm of Age and Then Some

Well, I think it's been over a year since my last blog. That I am sorry for but my excuses, like my life was, were not very exciting. I'll try to make a quick summary of the past year. Last winter, had problems that required many trips to the OT, PT and my therapist. My disorder was...is...and will forever be "Conversion Disorder." After losing my ability to walk, talk, function in a way that was my normal self, it's taken me most of my energy and determination this past year to right this dibilitating disorder. I come to you now, no walker, no cane and as long as I keep stress free and calm, I am returning to my old self....which I like much better. My doctors were/are wonderful, all my therapists have been so supporting and my family has been great. My soulmate who happens to be my husband of 42 yrs, kindly and unselfishly stepped up to the challenge of being my caretaker. Like he has been for all my recovery from childhood trauma, he was right by my side to encourage every effort I made. My own cheering squad...I could not have made it thru this part of my life without him. He never showed any resentment...only love. Very much like Gabby Giffords' husband. I am truly grateful for his strength. I love you to the moon and back, Dick. You are my blessing.

Getting back on my feet, so to speak, is slow but I've been able to complete 4 quilts for granddaughters...only one to go. I love those girls. Finished scrapping our vacation book of 2008. Come on....I'm a slow scrapper. Made cards......many, many cards. Planted a garden, with the help of friends but was able to harvest it myself. (See...I told you I was getting better.) Thanksgiving and Christmas were hard but with help from all my immediate family, we pulled it off at our house. Not sure we'll do that again, soon.

January has been uneventful...very little snow...sort of depressing. Can't afford to stay depressed so I've decided to rearrange "my" room. It's my craft/scrapping room and in the past twelve months has taken on an appearance that isn't helpful to my creative side. Downsizing is definitely an option that will take place in the next few days. Wish me luck. So until my next blog...play safe and make sure you don't run with scissors in your hands.

Our Faith Shall Not Be Questioned

Keeping the faith can be very trying at times. We have faith in our family and friends that they will always be there for us when times get rough. We have faith in our school systems that teach our children the fundamentals of education and guide them toward a better life. We have faith in our governing country that they keep us safe, keeping equality for everyone so hunger and health never becomes a blown issue. What happens when our faith in our family church begins to falter? Right now, I have to sit back and watch as my daughter and family and friends from our church struggle with the lack of leadership, guidance and pure compassion from the pastor while he whittles away at their faith. Too many are contemplating leaving this congregation and finding a church where worshiping and praising God isn't frowned upon. Where they can once again sing praises to God and hear the Gospel being read in church. Is the old way of worshipping getting old? In my heart, it will never be too old fashion to thank God for his blessings. It will never be old fashion to have faith in God to show us the right way to worship.

Getting my nerve back

How many times have I begun to write another blog and find myself never finishing the task? Sometimes I think it's a pattern that I've developed out of fear of being judged and ridiculed. But...after freeing myself from one last chain, I'm trying to recreate a pattern that can make my self-conscience and my self-confidence grow. So.........I guess now is good place to start.

So much has happened since our last chat. Retirement for both myself and husband.....bought a house.....packed belongings for the move and unpacked in new home after complete overhaul of the inside.........son engaged.......40th wedding anniversary surprise party........cleared outside property.........dug up and replanted borders and herb garden........all the while doing childcare for my adoring grandchildren. We have had some time for ourselves.....going to Williamsburg, Va with a side trip to Monticello and Mt. Vernon. All was so relaxing and funfilled. Because of this time spent with the love of my life, I think I'm going to really enjoy our retired life together. It is said that if you can't find anything to talk about during the busiest parts of a family life with children....other than children.......then when retirement comes, there will be nothing to talk about but the weather. One word of advice, stay friends and share with your spouse cause when the kids leave, all you have is each other.

Cleared the herb garden again today. Noticed so many butterflies and bees gathering the nectar from the flowering herbs. How blessed I am to have such a beautiful life, a beautiful yard and the ability to get outside to enjoy the fresh air and savor the mystery of nature. God is awesome!!!

Sitting on the Couch

Thoughts have flooded my head lately of days, of months, of years gone by and what I may have lost. My one dream was to have a very close knit family with all the love and compassion wrapped tightly around each person's heart. We raised our children to be loving, compassionate and respectful of each other's lives. In my family of origin, this was not practiced so both Papa Benchly and I were in agreement to practice these three messages to our children. It was not hard teaching our children these lessons and they were great learners. Yes, they had their fights and squabbles but in the end, they still loved each other and respected each other. It showed daily. I remember we would sit the two or sometimes three children on the living room couch when arguments broke out. It was their responsibility to figure out how to solve the conflict and to get on with their play. Normally, it took them only minutes to resolve the situation. Sometimes, it took a bit longer but in time, you knew the problem was solved when laughter was heard from the next room. That was always the sign for us to re-enter the living room and find out how they reached the solution. It was great to see our children growing in love, compassion and respect. Or as they say now......."we just wanted to get on with playing."

Times have changed and children are grown. Now when these grown children have arguments, I wish that they would come back to the "sitting on the couch" remedy. One talks about the other not listening, the other wants to live their own life and not be judged, the other wants all to just get along. All I want is for these three children to love each other, have compassion for each other dreams and wishes and to respect each other's way of life. It's not hard to do.

Lately, I've pondered the idea of sitting the two that are arguing on our couch and making them stay there until this problem is resolved. Just the two........no spouses, no parents, nobody but those two. Intervention maybe but in my eyes, getting these young adults to realize how lucky they are to have each other would be a reward to the whole family. We were a very close family and that is all I pray for now. They have to solve this conflict on their own but I pray that it will be sooner than later.